


With The Rain

by soapficgal



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 02:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapficgal/pseuds/soapficgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Brandon and Sami prompt I wrote a while back :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	With The Rain

There’s just always been something about the rain. While I’ve tried to pretend that it didn’t effect me the fact to the matter is that it always has. Perhaps in some ways it always will. Still on a night like tonight I can’t help but find myself drowning in more than the thunderstorm taking place beyond the safety of these walls. I can’t refrain from losing myself to the moment that has consumed me since it finally hit me that I’d found a way to step out of my world of selfishness only to end up with nothing. Yes, a few years ago you wouldn’t think that I would be where I am. You would have thought that I’d be alone and miserable condemning the world. Of course in some ways things have changed, but if you take a long hard look perhaps they haven’t.

Ali and Johnny are asleep right now. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be reaching for the book that I’d tucked away since Lucas was taken from our lives. I know I shouldn’t be bringing myself into the same silent suffering that has consumed me since he’d been transferred out of Salem taken to jail for a crime that could have been prevented if only I had seen the truth at a time when it would have saved us more than anything. If only I wouldn’t have tried to make up for all those sins I’d committed in the past against my family, then I would be here with the man I love. I would be able to hold him in my arms. I would be able to feel the warmth of his embrace, the tenderness behind his touch and share each and every moment of our children’s lives with him, but instead all that we had has been reduced to a wedding album--to a cluster of photos that I’ve been forced to hide on the top shelf of the closet when EJ is around.

Hesitating for a moment I listen to make sure that EJ won’t be awakening. If he knew I was taking the time to remember the love I’d lost, he’d be disappointed. He’d be upset and perhaps when I revealed that my heart was still very much with Lucas, I could stand to lose far more than I’d planned on when this all began. I listen for another moment and close my eyes hoping for these little moments. They are far and few now that EJ has it in his mind that we are going to fall in love. It’s very seldom that I’m given a breath of relief, but tonight, well tonight I plan on absorbing myself in the memory of what once was--in the thought of how full of hope we were for our futures the day that Lucas and I were married. It’s the little piece of our love that I am able to carry with me beyond the things I see in our children that remind me of Lucas. They have his eyes and his smile, yet even in feeling that part of him surround me, I long for something more. I want for some kind of fairy tale that simply was never meant for the likes of Sami Brady.

Perhaps this is all because of the way I’d tortured Austin and Carrie in my youth, I ponder while sipping the glass of red wine that has served as a numbing agent in my day to day routine. Granted I would never put my children at risk by turning to alcohol solely for relief, but tonight it comforts me. The sound of the rain pounding on the rooftop only adds to the relief that I’ve been so desperately needing since the moment Lucas was taken from me. It’s on nights like these that I think back to the times we spent lost in one another’s arms. It’s in these moments when I find myself remembering our camping trips with Will, our fighting with one another until we had no choice but to fall into one another’s arms all over again. Oh how he fought for what we had, but it wasn’t enough. Even as I open our wedding album with shaky hands, I know that our special day was tainted even then. All of our plans and hopes for the future were simply something that we’d been able to take with us on borrowed time. Seeing how happy we were instantly serves as a painful reminder of how close we came to everything. It was that special day that had brought us full circle and yet…

I reach out to the page tracing the lines of his beautiful eyes. I know now that I’ll never have him look at me with the warmth and the love that they’d once carried for me. I know that things will be different if we ever come together again. Time will have changed us. Life will have changed us and the Dimeras will have finally broken me. EJ will be living his life as his father intended, but I will be forced to pay the ultimate price. My daughter will grow up without her father. Will won’t ever return to my life again and as it stands I feel myself turning into the kind of woman I’ve always loathed and despised.

“Enough Sami,” I chastise myself before closing the wedding album once again. I think about another tomorrow and know that it will be the same pretending as it’s been for months. I’ll smile and say all the right things, but it won’t be me. I’ll tell EJ all the sweet words he wants to hear and perhaps it will be enough to keep Stefano at bay. Perhaps it will be all that they need to believe that I’ve given in to the terms of this marriage completely.

“But you won’t be happy,” a voice inside of my head reminds me. As I think about my own youth and the agony I’d felt in having my parents apart, I think about Ali. I wonder if she’ll fall into the same trap that I did in being miserable with the world around her. I wonder if she’ll grow to hate me for not making things work for Lucas. I think about the many times that I looked at my own mother with contempt and rage because she’d walked away from my father--from our family without a fight. I hated her for so many years. There was so much time we’d wasted because of my anger. As I think about Ali, I can’t help but wonder if she’ll feel that same hatred towards me. Will she understand why I had to risk everything to save my family, or will she look at me with the same disappointment that I’ve fought with most of my life where my family is concerned? Will she realize that I had to make such a sacrifice to preserve those people I had hurt in my wild youth, or will she think that I’ve been the source of her misery and inevitable heartbreak in never being able to have Lucas beside her?

In an attempt to banish these questions from my mind, I stand up and turn my attention to raging storm outside. It’s dark and violent, yet with every storm that passes through Salem, it offers up a new beginning. The lightening flashes and crackles again reminding me of all of the chaos in my life. It’s spiraled out of control and became something that I simply cannot pull the reigns on any longer. People might see the same woman on the outside, but on the inside I’m a mere shell of the woman I once was. I don’t even recognize her anymore. Though I know in my heart I’ve always been a lot of things, but giving up was never a part of my life until now. Now the idea of resigning myself to misery consumes me. It haunts me and my thoughts day in and day out. It would be so easy to relinquish what little is still left of me, but as I think about Ali I know I owe her more than that. She deserves a mother who will put her first. All of these months I believed I was doing that, but now I’m not so convinced.

Quietly I walk across the living room careful not to be too loud as my thoughts return to EJ. He’s had a long day and will undoubtedly be asleep for a few more hours. He’s happy now and in his contentment he doesn’t make as many requests as he once did. I’ve learned to play the role of the good wife and things have gone smoothly for us. In his eyes I would imagine they are perfect, but he’s only fooling himself. He really believes he’s found happiness and love, but in his longing for a future for me, I’m certain he’s denied himself the opportunity for true happiness. He’ll never see that however. He’ll never realize that I’m not the one. Perhaps in ignoring that obvious fact it’s his own means of self preservation much like my own rationalizations I’ve been hiding behind since I made myself the sole crusader in this feud between our families.

“Tomorrow will be…” I start to offer up some words of comfort, but come up short. There’s nothing I can say that will change the path my life has taken me on. Lucas may be the one behind bars, but I’ve put myself into a life sentence that not only effects me, but my children as well. I’ve made decisions for them that I never should have had to make.

“Why can’t we just be a family mom?” I can hear Will questioning the last time I spoke with him. His words were filled with sorrow and disappointment, but I had no answers. I had nothing that I could say that would change the way things are. I’m helpless and I hate it. I despise my constant sulking and wish that I could change it. I wish that…

My thoughts are interrupted as there is a faint rapping sound at the door. I turn my attention to it wondering if it’s another late night visit from Stefano coming in to check on the bride he’d forced into his son’s life. Sure, he knows that I despise this, but he doesn’t care. All he wants is another way to stick it to my family that he’s finally won. I’m means to an end for him and as I approach the door, I prepare to face down the man I’ve grown to hate more than anything in this world.

“What do you want?” I question impatiently opening the door to find Billie standing in front of me. Her dark eyes speak volumes about her concern for me, but as she raises her finger to her lips to silence any further questioning, I open the door further and invite her inside. Finally I have to ask, “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to rescue you,” she confessed in a muted tone, “and before you argue with me Sami I need you to know that this is what Lucas wants. He asked me to look after Ali and I’m doing just that.”

“Billie I can’t just…” I start to protest, but her eyes are determined.

“I have a bag packed for you and the twins and we’re getting you out of Salem tonight,” Billie informs me with a sudden seriousness in her tone, “You’re going to take a flight out of the country and you’ll meet Lucas and Will…”

“Lucas?” I repeat feeling the breath catch in the back of my throat. “But how?”

“Let’s just say I pulled a few strings on this one, but we don’t have much time,” Billie explained with a new urgency. “We can talk about the details later, but right now we need to get out of here. Where are Ali and Johnny?”

“In their nursery,” I explain pointing towards the general direction of the room, but Billie is already halfway there. I have a million and one questions, but I won’t ask them. I won’t even think them for long as Billie opens up the door to the nursery and walks over to Johnny’s bed. She carefully picks him up and places him on her shoulder before seeking out his diaper bag.

“Make sure you have enough for them for the flight,” she reminds me as I reach for the other diaper bag I’ve put together in the event there’s an emergency. I bring it over my shoulder before standing frozen in the room. Thinking about the promise I made to stay at EJ’s side above all else, I wonder if I can do this. I wonder if I can break my word and leave Salem behind without there being dire consequences. Will Stefano go after my family again? Will someone else suffer for my disobedience?”

“Sami,” Billie snaps her fingers and my attention returns to the moment. “We don’t have time to wait. If EJ wakes up…”

“He won’t,” I assure her, but I have my doubts. Stepping forward I lean over the side of the crib and realize that Ali is awake. She staring up at me with big eyes full of questions. She looks so much like her father and it’s in that moment I know I’m doing the right thing. Billie’s right. We have to leave Salem. I know that I promised to save my family, but reality sets in that this is my family. Ali, Johnny and Will need me to protect them. They are the ones who could lose everything if I stay and it’s for that reason alone that I must go. I need to stop thinking about everyone else and start putting my priorities in order.

“Sami,” Billie motions for me to follow her out of the room and I nod. I scoop Ali up in my arms, whispering a few words of comfort to her before we head out into the living room once again. Billie is already at the door. She’s has Johnny wrapped up in a blanket and I know that my son is safe.

I squeeze Ali closer to me when suddenly I hear a sound from behind me. I freeze feeling all my fears and worries mounting in that moment in time. I don’t have to turn around to know that my husband is awake. EJ is there and his eyes burn a hole right though me. I’m afraid to face him because I’m well aware of what this kind of betrayal means. I know of the wrath I may have to face in attempting to leave. Still with a shaky breath and my stomach tangled in knot, I force myself to face him. I push myself to meet his questioning eyes and although I expect rage and anger, I see something altogether different. I clench Ali closer to my chest as he approaches me. Only instead of the mask of rage and madness I anticipate to see in him, there’s something altogether different. Something I can’t quite read.

“Where are you going Samantha?” he asks in that same smooth and even tone that he always seems to carry with him. “It’s late.”

“I’m leaving EJ,” I explain firmly although I try to keep my tone down in the hopes of refraining from upsetting Ali. “It’s over.”

“Over,” he repeats as a flash of something passes beyond his eyes.

“That’s right,” I nod feeling my confidence returning to me, “I’m taking my children and I’m doing what I must to protect them. They deserve more than this life and if you think long and hard about that you’ll see that the last thing they need is to be buried in the middle of a Dimera/Brady war. This is the only way they will have a chance at happiness.”

His eyes penetrate mine once again before he takes a step back. “I realize that.”

His words surprise me. I blink back wondering if I imagined them.

“But before you go get Ali her jacket,” he walks over to the closet and retrieves the small pink and white coat that we’d picked up for her only a few days ago. He steps in towards us and reaches for Ali. I draw back certain that I won’t want him touching her, yet there’s something behind his eyes that tells me he’s no longer a threat. I allow him the moment and he eases Ali’s tiny arms into the jacket in silence. When he’s finished he touches her tiny head for a brief second.

“Be careful Samantha,” he offers up giving me one last look before stepping back. “If Stefano realizes that you are gone…”

“I’ll take my chances,” I explain standing up taller and watching him nod.

“You’ll be just fine. I’m sure of it,” he offers up what seems like the first hint of a smile. He opens his mouth as if he’s thinking of something more to say, but instead he moves in towards me leaning in to kiss my forehead gently. I stiffen not quite sure to expect, but as he pulls away I see something behind his dark eyes alerting me to the fact that he’s changed. I didn’t want to see it, but now as he’s silently allowing my freedom it’s there. It’s as if he’s finally seen things as they truly are.

“Be well Samantha,” he whispers in my ear. His eyes search mine for a moment until he steps away from me. He turns his back to me allowing me my moment of retreat and I don’t hesitate.

I know that in his mind he undoubtedly feels that I owe him something more--that my freedom shouldn’t cost him his hopes for a future, but in his own way he’s released me of the hell I’ve been trapped in. A part of me wants to thank him for finally granting me my one request for another chance at living, but the other part of me knows I can’t hesitate. I squeeze Ali in my arms and walk to the door leaving the apartment and the nightmare I’ve been living in behind me at long last. Freedom is well within my reach and this time I refuse to let anything get in the way of that. As of this moment fate has given me and my family a second chance and I have to run with it. I have to find a way to fix things. This ridiculous feud will carry on, but I won’t be a part of it. Knowing that I realize that maybe just maybe one day Ali will one day look at me with the love that I once saw behind Will’s eyes. Perhaps Will and Johnny can do the same. I know I’ll have to fight to regain their trust again and prove myself, but it’s a battle that I’m ready for. It’s a price I’m willing to pay in the name of reclaiming my life again. I won’t be the pawn in Stefano’s game any longer. From now on I will be Samantha Roberts--a mother and a wife who finally got her priorities in order and did what was best for her family at long last.


End file.
